Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
