hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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