who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
