I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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