I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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