just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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