Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
this will be a night to untag.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
