She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
