So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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