i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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