oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
