i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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