I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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