Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
