so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
