I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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