he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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