I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
