I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
BRING THE BAGELS
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
