I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
