Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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