Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
