Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
