i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
