You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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