Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
