No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
