hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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