tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
