He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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