New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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