I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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