i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
