so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
