it wasn't lemon gatorade
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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