True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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