I'm gonna have a badass scar
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
