Already got asked if we're dating
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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