Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i dont even know how to be here
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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