My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
