if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
