They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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