you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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