Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
