guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
