he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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