I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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