would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's shark week go big or go home
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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