i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
