Do you still have your period?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
