I wanna bring you to show and tell
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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