You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
