god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
