Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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