I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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