I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
