So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
