Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
