I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
