You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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