FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize