I cut my penus on the lid.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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