Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
They should really pass out barf bags in church
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
