i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
