I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The adults are the big ones right?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
