Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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