Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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