Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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