obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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