You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
