As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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