I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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