Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
