i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
