So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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