that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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