When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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