let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
