So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
