he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize