shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
