My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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