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Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
