So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
