There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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