i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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