i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
if only i could text you this smell
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think I sprained my soul last night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
