"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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