I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have post one night stand depression
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