I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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