i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize