I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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