Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
